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Envy. To beat or not to beat?
© Johnson Tsang
In the gestalt approach, this feeling is divided into two components: anger and desire. I want something that you have, and I get angry: because I don’t have it.
Immediately it should be noted: everyone is envy, not everyone admits this even to himself. And, as you know, the less we usurp our feelings, the more they control us.
With envy, you can either constructively cope or suffer from it.
In the first case: for starters, I notice that I envy, I understand what it is and realize my desire.
It is important not to be confused. Familiar rich husband gave a birthday car. The rising, burning wave of envy can relate not at all to the neat little yellow Hatch Bek: you have no right to ever have. And you have a husband - the truth is not so rich, but darling, and gives gifts from time to time. But! He never shows in public how you are dear to him. And this one is beautiful, at a party I drove to the restaurant. So, I want not a car, but recognition.
Any desire, depending on the importance, carries a certain energy charge.If it is not satisfied for a long time, anger energy is added to it. How to dispose of this good for peaceful purposes?
When I have the skill of constructive handling with envy - I can notice my desire and estimate: how much energy is needed to implement it, can I afford it? Already at this stage, some desires fall off by themselves. Because I envy the beauty and grace of a ballerina, but I don’t want to kill my feet in meat and blood 14 hours a day, and it’s too late. And immediately easy.
If I envy slender tucked-up women, I’m wondering how much time, money and effort I will have to throw out for a good figure, go to the gym and, attention! r-a-b-o-t-a-y on your result. Because lucky genetics to 30 still keeps the body in good shape, and if she is 40 and she is candy, then she, too, works.
The basic idea is that the realization of any desire requires your investment. And do not believe those who say that they get everything for free: everyone has their own payment. They pay for power with loneliness, for a beautiful life - with freedom. Sometimes money and their own labor goes cheaper, but not so fast.
If I envy, but circumstances are irresistible.
For example: the guy chose not to marry you, but a girlfriend. Here you also have a choice: you can honestly burn off and release this situation - after all, not everything in life happens the way we want it. And you can - begin to actively suffer from envy.
To be friends with her is not for life, but for death. Try to imperceptibly ruin their relationship and revel in gloating. Or to pretend that you did not hurt, but to spend 10 years trying to outdo it in all spheres of life. “So you don’t get to anyone!” - generally a classic of destructive treatment of envy. Spoil, take away, destroy, slander, steal - cause harm and cause injury. No wonder many are afraid of someone else's envy. Anger can push the envious to all sorts of meanness. Because anger and truth becomes less when you see how this scum is suffering, which has what you need so much. But the energy of desire remains. And while doing nothing with it - anger will accumulate over and over again.
In order not to meet our powerlessness and pain from the fact that some of our desires will never come true, we spend a lot of strength and energy on a senseless struggle. Or each time we shrink and burn inside with envy, when we meet the desired, but unattainable object.You need to be able to distinguish between what my real desire is, and where I can and there is a sense to fight for it, and where it is necessary to surrender internally.
When we give up, we are as if confronted with reality: yes, I can not do everything in this life, here - I lost. Paradoxically, at this point, one usually gets his own worth and dignity. On the one hand, a person loses a part of his illusions, but it always hurts, but on the other hand, he can finally notice his real strengths and weaknesses. And lean on them. Get acquainted, so to speak, with the present.
The more illusions we have about ourselves, both insufficient and grandiose, the farther our desires are from reality, the stronger and more insuperable the envy. The more difficult our relationship with others and with ourselves.